


Die gleiche Prozedur | Hangover for One

by donutsweeper



Category: Der 90. Geburtstag | Dinner for One (1963)
Genre: Gen, Pre-Canon, Traditions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 06:23:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13094277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donutsweeper/pseuds/donutsweeper
Summary: James must train his replacement on certain procedures that are to be followed every year regarding Miss Sophie's birthday celebration.





	Die gleiche Prozedur | Hangover for One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ijemanja](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ijemanja/gifts).



> A yuletide treat for ijemanja. 
> 
> Watch the fifteen minute comedy sketch "Der 90. Geburtstag | Dinner for One" [here.](https://youtu.be/zVd_VLO9xcc?t=2m20s)

Being offered a position at a stately manor such as Miss Sophie's had been a lifelong ambition of Michael's. A woman as elegant and dignified as Miss Sophie would no doubt hold any number of gallant parties and grandiose galas; working them would be fascinating and he simply could not wait to begin his duties. His first day, however, began rather strangely.

He was brought to the dining room where he was told he would be waiting for James, the man whom he would be replacing now that he had reached retirement age. Despite it being seven in the morning, the table was set for five and there were a number of dishes and bottles of various liquors on the sideboard, waiting to be served.

Confusingly, when the man Michael presumed to be the outgoing butler, James, entered he greeted him with a bright, "Good morning, James."

"I'm sorry?" Michael managed to say, barely maintaining his composure. Had he been sent to the wrong house? Or perhaps the agency had been mistaken in his placement?

The man was not taken aback by being questioned, he continued on, unabated, "As I became known as James upon assuming this position so shall you. Permit me to begin again. Good morning, James."

"My apologies," Michael quickly said. The passing along of a name was a bit unusual, he supposed, but everyone had their quirks and it wouldn't surprise him someone of Miss Sophie's stature had more than most. "Good morning, James."

The other James' upper lip twitched slightly before he nodded approvingly. "Miss Sophie is a wonderful employer but I feel it necessary to mention that she has certain… eccentricities that you should be made aware of before you begin to work here."

"Of course, sir—"

"James, please." 

"As you wish, James, but I have worked as a butler for many years already and I must say, it's rather unlikely there is anything regarding this position that I haven't encountered before."

"Miss Sophie has certain procedures which she expects to be followed for every celebration. I was informed of them when I became James and now I pass them onto you," James explained. Michael nodded, he had assumed it would be something of the sort. "The table will always be set for five. Miss Sophie, of course, will be seated at the head of the table."

"Of course." 

"Sir Toby will sit here," James explained as Michael followed him as they moved from the head to the seat immediately on her left and then continued around the table. "Admiral von Schneider here, Mr. Pommeroy and, lastly, Mr. Winterbottom here."

"Sir Toby, Admiral von Schneider, Mr. Pommeroy and Mr. Winterbottom, yes, James. And if someone doesn't accept an invitation? Do I leave their seat empty or shuffle them about?"

"Um, yes," James seemed suddenly uncomfortable. "In actuality neither Sir Toby, Admiral von Schneider, Mr. Pommeroy nor Mr. Winterbottom will, technically, attend any evening's festivities."

"Pardon?"

"It is my understanding that Sir Toby, Admiral von Schneider, Mr. Pommeroy and Mr. Winterbottom all passed on some time ago."

"Your understanding," Michel parroted back.

"That was how it was explained to me, yes." 

Michael carefully did not question as to whether or not the four gentlemen ever existed in the first place. "I see."

"As it is always the same procedure as the previous year once you serve the soup Miss Sophie will inform you of what drink shall be served with it. Dinners always begin with mulligatawny soup, as she is particularly fond of it. Since she always requests it, make sure you have brought a dry sherry up from the cellar for it. Once Miss Sophie has officially chosen it pour a generous amount in each glass." 

"I'm sorry, in _her_ glass you mean."

James sighed. "No, in every glass. Sir Toby will request you add a bit extra to his; a splash or two will usually be sufficient."

"Sir Toby, who is not actually in attendance, will want more than the usual serving of sherry," Michael said, feeling little clarification was in order.

"Yes, he always does." James took the bottle of sherry of the side table and walked to the head of the table before miming opening the bottle and filling Miss Sophie's glass before walking around to Sir Toby's spot to pour some for him. "Like so." James began to walk past Sir Toby to the Admiral's spot before halting, as if he'd been called back by Sir Toby. There was a momentary exchange wherein it appeared Sir Toby was requesting more sherry to which James genially agreed and added a splash before continuing on and filling the other glasses.

"You will then return the sherry to the sideboard and act in Sir Terry's stead and toast Miss Sophie before drinking his glass and proceed to do the same for Admiral von Schneider, Mr. Pommeroy and Mr. Winterbottom."

"I'll… drink all four glasses of sherry?"

"Not only drink all four glasses but follow the same procedure as last year. Therefore Sir Toby's toast is 'Cheerio, Miss Sophie!', Admiral von Schneider's requires a dramatic 'Skol!' as you click your heels together like so," James demonstrated the heel clicking and then winced, rubbing his heel against his calf, "no matter how much it hurts, unfortunately, since it is expected you must do it. Mr. Pommeroy has an atypically high voice and declares, 'Happy New Year, Sophie!' while Mr. Winterbottom is more of a rapscallion and always flirts." James deepened his voice, offering a saucy, "Looking younger than ever, luv!"

"I see," Michael said politely, not really seeing at all.

"After the soup will be fish, usually a nice haddock, and that will be paired with a white wine."

"When serving the wine do… all the glasses get filled?" 

"As it is same procedure as last year, yes."

"And shall I assume Sir Toby will ask for an additional splash of wine?" James nodded. "And the Admiral will click his heels and so on and so forth?"

"Rightly so. After the fish will be the chicken. Miss Sophie usually appreciates a nice champagne with it, so have a bottle ready."

"So, to follow the same procedure as last year it will be soup with sherry, fish with white wine and chicken with champagne and I am to act in the gentlemen's stead when it comes to the liquor for each course." Michael let out a low breath. He did not have so high an alcohol tolerance that he would be unaffected by such imbibing. "And following the chicken?"

"Miss Sophie likes a nice fruit plate for dessert."

"Oh, that sounds lovely."

"Accompanied by a glass of port."

"Port." Michael gestured around the table. "Port for everyone, all four nonexistent guests included?"

"Yes, yes. Miss Sophie is very firm about maintaining the same procedure as last year, after all."

"Is dessert the last course?"

"It is. However, it is not the last of your duties for the evening and if one is to truly become her butler it is important for one to do their due diligence and fulfill any and all obligations."

Michael wasn't quite sure he could interpret the look James was giving him. "And that is?"

"Miss Sophie likes to retire after her celebration."

"Understandably so." The woman was elderly, it made sense she might want a lie down after a large meal. Michael failed to see the issue James might be having with that.

"She likes to _retire_ ," he repeated, emphasizing the word carefully as he tilted his head towards Michael and then jerked it towards the stairs, presumably where the bedrooms were.

"Oh! And I am to," Michael trailed off, making a vague gesture in that direction. 

"It will be... a rather memorable experience. Miss Sophie is surprising in that regard."

"I suppose all that alcohol helps."

"It does indeed."

"Such a duty is only performed following the celebration, not at other times?"

"Only then, but if you take the position it will be expected, yes." 

"I see. And it is expected because, after all, it was the same procedure as last year?"

"You will find it is the same procedure as every year, James."

"I believe I can handle that," Michael—no, he was James now, he should try to get used to the name— decided.

James offered him his hand. "Welcome aboard then, James."


End file.
